Here I am….

I had thought that the meds would take longer than this to start to not work as well.  I didn’t even notice until today that I am sleeping more than anything else.

I had excuses, not enough of sleep and so on.  And I am nowhere as bad as I was.

But yeah, when I realized I was contemplating staying in bed for another day, then I read a post on facebook… and it motivated me to get moving.  It was from Elizabeth Taylor, (And of course now I cannot find it!)

Basically, it said to not to think of each day as a success or a failure.  Count everything you do as a fight. Me getting up, making the bed and getting dressed.  Success!

Then me getting my face washed, even doing my hair some then being in the computer room?  Success!

Now writing this post, as well as getting the Kindle that I am using to move my ePubs over to my Kindle account and so on, more success!

Focus on the positive not the negative.

IT’s not easy at all. But it reminds me of why I like lists.  so I can cross stuff off, so show my accomplishments for the day.

Which is something that always confused me.  Shit, it still confuses me that I essentially am a positive person, but I am depressed.

Yeah, I know it is a clinical thing and so on.  But, I spent a lifetime with the stigma that a depressed person is a negative person.

Which is not the same thing, I know that, but still.  How someone who thinks automatically thinks the glass is half full, depressed?

Let us take the lists for an example.  I do a list to see what all I have done, instead of being depressed on what isn’t done.

I know there are other things like I can get down on myself for periods of feeling like I am being lazy.  I may be doing more than others, but to me I am lazy.  I am not accomplishing what I set out to do.

At the same time, getting sleep from 5 am to 9 am for the ‘night’ is enough to justify lying in bed, but then I realized I am ending staying in bed most of the time.

*sighs*  It’s an uphill battle.   And I have to keep reminding myself of this.